The Center For Self Growth

Dear Beth... (How To Release Negativity and Old Patterns With The Moon)

2009-12-17T14:33:00.000-08:00

Dear Beth:

I was told by someone who attends one of your Positive Energy Groups that there is a way to release my old patterns (which are about being in negative relationships over and over and not being able to have the love that I really desire) by doing a sort of ritual with the moon. Can you tell me how to do it?

-Jen A, wanting release in Port Jefferson

Hi Jen,

Releasing with the moon is an extremely effective ritual for several reasons. One reason relates to how truly connected we are to the natural world. The new moon indicates a new cycle, which occurs on a monthly basis. Like all things living, there are natural cycles of birth, life, and death and every month and every moon experiences this as well. Your personal issues also have a cycle of birth (when they started), life (how long they have bothered and/or served you) and now death (actually allowing them to be released).

Another reason that this ritual is effective is because it is energetic and symbolic. Energetically, you when you do this you are shifting from the negative state to the new, refreshing positive state. Symbolically, you speak to the non-verbal, right brained intuitive self by using a sensory ritual and not just words to make change in your life.

Regardless of why it works, have faith that it does! I have had many, many personal experiences and a multitude of individual and group clients do this exercise and find that the experiences range from “relieving and relaxing” to “I can finally breathe again” to “Extremely weird how my life changed immediately.”

Here’s What To Do;

Step One: The Releasing Letter

Sit quietly and write down what you want to release. On a sheet of paper, tell the story of what you are ready to let go of i.e. “Today, I release the lack of love that I have for myself that allows me to pick partners that are no good for me. I release my low self-esteem and the message that I got from my father that I wasn’t good enough and my 8^th grade teacher that I was stupid. I release the boy who rejected me at the prom in 10^th grade. I release loneliness and finding being alone to be intolerable. I release this old pattern of selling myself short. I release desperately wanting what I think everyone else has. I release my current partner whom I know if not good for me. I release my desire to keep in contact with him. I release all of these negative thoughts, feelings, behaviors, and energies to the universe for healing. I no longer need these things in my life and they do not serve me being my best vehicle of love and kindness to myself or others in the world.” You will find this part of the exercise to already cause major shift.

Step 2: The Welcome Letter

Like all energy and space, when the negative is eliminated we must “fill” it with something. On a sheet of paper, it is now time to write what you will be inviting into your life, i.e. “I invite into my life a wonderful sense of self love. I invite ein new friends that want the best for me and think I am fabulous. I invite in new and exciting, healthy experiences. I welcome the feeling of enjoying my independence. I welcome feeling satisfied with myself and my life. I welcome in peace and forgiveness. I invite in taking a new and interesting class to keep my and feelings busy in a positive way. I am ready for and welcome in a feeling of love for myself. And when I am ready, I will welcome in a healthy relationship that reflects that love for myself.”

Step 3: The Burning Ritual

Now find out when the next full moon will be. If you can, do this exercise the outside and on the evening of a full moon but if you only have time in the day that is fine, too. Read you releasing letter out loud and when you are done, burn it in a safe container (i.e. a coffee container). Take several deep breaths as it burns. Now read your Welcome Letter. Read both letters with intention, even if it feels silly. You are telling the universe that you are emphatically ready for change and it is best if you can put your feelings and passion behind it. Do not burn your welcome letter. Keep it safe and enjoy reading it at other times if you are discouraged about your intention or path.

Step 4: Look for The Signs

Keep an eye out for changes that happen in your life and continue doing this ritual on a monthly basis, for other issues that come up for you. This is a cleansing process that truly helps to purge your system of the blocks and issues that prevent the life you desire.

You must be very aware of yourself and your daily experiences if you want to see the evidence that your ritual has worked and do not discount anything as merely a coincidence! Note: you also may need additional tools and personal work to completely release these issues from your life.

Enjoy!

Step 5: Tell Us About It and Win Free Stuff!

Blog the Dear Beth Blog with your stories of what happened when you did this exercise or any other questions about self growth and how to think, feel, and be happier. Your entry will help others learn while also being entered in a monthly raffle for a free individual Intuitive Breakthrough Session with Beth Miller.

You're Invited!

2009-11-09T14:47:00.000-08:00

Come visit us on Nov 21!
"Your Health is Your Best Investment"

What: Gaia's Essences presents Women's Wellness Conference 2009

Where: The Holiday Inn Express, Stony Brook

When: Saturday November 21, 2009 , 5 - 10 PM

Why: The WWC is a local event that was inspired by women health professionals from the tri-state area. Seminar topics include Holistic Wellness, Healthy Cooking, Nutritional Counseling, Spiritual and Wellness Education, Fitness Training, and more! Network and learn with a gathering of like-minded, forward-thinking health and happiness practitioners from New York, New Jersey, Connecticut and Maryland. Bring a friend, and don't forget to stop by The Center for Self Growth's table to say HI!

Women's Wellness Conference fee is $25.00, includes access to all seminars, wellness exhibit and a tote bag with wellness goodies/coupons/gift certificates. To register, email your name, email address and phone number to thecenterforselfgrowth@gmail.com, or call 631.509.0788 for more info.

Article by Beth Miller

2009-11-02T08:29:00.000-08:00

The 8 Good Reasons Why You’re Not Getting What You Want

Whether you have been consciously practicing the Law of Attraction or not, you probably have moments when you get frustrated that you are not getting something that you want.

Frustration happens, it’s human, and this article is meant to help you see the process of wanting something and getting it from a different vantage point that might help.

You might think you would like the idea of being like the genie on “I Dream of Genie”: to think up something that you want, cross your arms, wiggle your nose, and poof! Your desire stands before you, ready to driven by you, loved by you, lived in, worked at, eaten, flaunted, or spent in huge and worry-free amounts. That’s because most of what we want is our version of the perfect car, relationship, home, career, food, great body, or money in one form or another.

“Yes”, you’re thinking, “I DO want to be like the genie! I want to be able to wiggle my nose and get what I want whenever I want it.” But I’d like to challenge that….

Beth Miller and The CSG on MyLITv.com ! Watch NOW!

2009-10-14T13:55:00.000-07:00

Check it out!

2009-10-07T10:13:00.000-07:00

With nature-oriented ideas and meditations, the use of online marketing tools to cut down paper waste, and our "green" ideas on how to think, feel and be happier, The Center for Self Growth has been listed as a "Green Company" here: http://www.greenlivingexpoli.com/colist4.html Check it out!

By Beth Miller

2009-09-30T20:14:00.000-07:00

Washing Your Mouth Out With Money:

Cleaning Up Your Talk To Attract More Abundance

Our mothers and grandmothers were right when they said “If you have nothing good to say, say nothing at all”. It seems hard to practice that golden rule all the time. In fact, many people indulge in saying “nothing good” as a matter of routine conversation or habit. You know what I’m talking about: all the worried talk about money, pointing out the flaws of your neighbors or favorite-celebrity-to-hate, focusing on what is wrong with things instead of what is right, and the critical self talk when you look in the mirror.

We all know it isn’t necessarily good for us- or others- to talk about “nothing good”, but do you know how it might be actually hurting your own prosperity and abundance?

"Transformational Breath: Make Your Mind Your Best Friend"

2009-09-08T13:07:00.000-07:00

THIS SUNDAY!
Sun Sept 13 , 10 - 11:30 AM
Rita Davies Wild, Essential Holistics Inc

Not sure that you are making the right decisions?

Are you afraid of the decisions you have already made?

What can help is clarity and insight.

Experience Transformational Breath - a technique developed to transform and bring about a state of Peace and Well Being. With Transformational Breath old patterns are brought to awareness, restructured and consciously transmuted. As personal identity changes by touching the transpersonal realm, the "True Inner Nature" reveals itself and behavior automatically alters. The great news is that it starts working during the first session.

Transformational Breath developed by the International Breath Institute is a natural healing method, which mobilizes the body's resources toward wholeness and well-being. The institute studies concluded that we can alter our mental, emotional and physical states by directing our breath. Old breathing patterns are reprogrammed to achieve better health.

Since most of our emotional experience registers in our abdomen and torso, our emotional responses interact constantly with our breathing. We hold our breath, pause in the normal sequence of inflow and outflow, or breath shallowly to avoid feeling old trauma stored in the chest and abdomen. The deep breathing technique helps to release old trauma, correct old breathing patterns and focuses on creating a sense of ease and deep well-being.

The physical benefits of regular Transformational Breath sessions can include mitigation of many of the causes of migraine headaches, sinus problems and other stress related ailments.

Limited Seating!
Register to reserve your spot, Workshop Fee $30
For more information Click Here

Our Doors Are Open, So Come On In!

2009-08-31T13:01:00.001-07:00

Attention Wellness Practitioners:
Long Islanders Want To Learn From You!

If you are a teacher of health and happiness, we want to connect with you, read on.

Getting Back in the Swing of Things

2009-08-31T12:45:00.000-07:00

"Creating Healthy Habits for Fall after a Summer off Your Routine"
DeAnna Lynn Englezos, Program Manager and Life Coach

This month, let the change of season act as a quarterly benchmark and work to your benefit to naturally keep you in line and on track. After a nice relaxing summer, it’s the perfect time to gear up for Fall and create some healthy habits that will help catapult your personal, professional, spiritual and financial goals to skyrocketing levels this season.

Use this simple exercise below to help you THRIVE in changing times and STAY ON TRACK with your goals for lasting, outstanding success!

1. SET A GOAL: Identify your main goal by answering a few simple questions.
a. What do you want more of in your life? (time, energy, money, health, fun, free time, etc.)
b. What do you want less of? (stress, negativity, fatigue, etc)
c. How do you want to feel on a daily basis? (energized, happy, fulfilled, joyful, positive, productive, etc)
2. FOCUS. Streamline your thoughts and decide how you will focus your time and energy.
3. TAKE ACTION. Identify ONE action that you will take immediately, ONE action that you will take daily towards reaching your goal. For maximum success, identify ONE action that you engage in right now that can potentially hinder your success. Focus your time and energy on the positive daily actions and thoughts to combat potential negative ones.
4. TRACK YOUR SUCCESS. Decide how you will track your success while you are staying on track and achieving your goals. Some people like to write it down in a small journal. If you work best on a deadline, it sometimes works well to set a date. You decide what will work best for you.
5. ACCESS and ADJUST. How will you know when you have met your goal? What will it look like? What will it feel like? What will your day entail? What daily, weekly, lifestyle changes have you made? How will you make sure your healthy habits stick?
6. CELEBRATE YOUR ACHEIVEMENT.

Remember that reaching your goals is about THE PROCESS: taking stock of where you are in life, identifying simple daily actions and small changes, taking action and holding yourself accountable, and then accessing your progress/success and celebrating YOU!

USING THE AUTUMN ENERGY TO CREATE NEW BEGINNINGS

2009-08-27T11:00:00.000-07:00

Beth Miller, LCSW-R, CEC

We have a change of season upon us, and I don’t just mean the upcoming autumn. On Long Island, we have 4 distinct seasons that are marked by incredibly unique changes in nature. As we learn to connect more with nature and treat our lives as part of a holistic pattern enmeshed with the energy around us, we realize that the changing seasons of nature are also reflected in the changing rhythm of our own lives.

Look outside yourself to see how your environment is mirrored within yourself. It is all ONE.

The environmental shift from summer to autumn is an exciting time to make personal changes that will be even more effective in your life because the natural energy around you is in the same changing pattern. To go with the flow, now is a great time to take very specific steps that will be supported by the larger context of energy you live within.

The end of summer has a certain buzz, a distinct fervor among people and nature. Folks are rushing to fit as much as they can into summer, to get the most out of the free time and sunlight. Children, parents, and friends frantically rev up their activities in almost the identical way that the summer heats up most right before cooling off. Now, at the tail end of August and beginning of September, we and nature are pressing the last of the season’s gifts- we live it up the same way the flowers and bugs do, squeaking out the last pollen of summertime.

And then the season changes. Flowers shrivel up, we wake to cooler air in the morning, mosquitoes evaporate, the ground gets raked of summer flowers and bulbs are planted for a coming spring. School aged kids and their parents prepare for new beginnings with new clothing, new routines, new supplies. Traffic patterns change, fall clothing is worn even it is still 85 degrees out, we ready for pumpkin picking and wine tasting. Nature sparks this transition and we follow suit.

The season of autumn is a time of new beginnings and nature is preparing for both autumnal bounty and regrouping in winter. The lessons of autumn are to begin slowing down and take stock of where we are and what we want. For most, this cannot begin until mid-September, after the frantic motion of August has finally slowed.

September and October mark the beginning of a season of celebration. Bask in the bounty of what you have created this year. Take some time to breath and take it all in. Celebrate by reflecting. What have we grown this year? Where has our energy been spent? Did what we intended to create come to bounty? Why or why not?

After reflecting and celebrating, spend time envisioning your next creations. Ask what you want to grow in the spring, what do you want to create next, where should your time and energy be spent. Now is a time of planning your upcoming landscape and planting bulbs. It is a time of dreaming, meditating, and taking nourishing your soil so that you can once again bear more fruit in the future.

Don’t rush yourself through autumn. Allow yourself to truly celebrate, reflect, and envision the same way nature does.

When we flow with the patterns of nature, we can most easily move with the flow of our lives. By flowing with the lessons and nature of the season, our creations easily take hold because they are at one with the energy of the season. You don’t try to plant watermelon in the winter, but you do pick corn and enjoy the bounty of what was planted seasons ago. To get the most out of the energy of autumn, celebrate your creations and then plant the ideas of what you want to grow.

Gratitude Poem

2009-08-21T08:33:00.000-07:00

Be Thankful
~ Author Unknown ~

Thanks for not having
Be thankful that you don't already have everything you desire.
If you did, what would there be to look forward to?

Thanks for lacking knowledge
Be thankful when you don't know something,
for it gives you the opportunity to learn.

Thanks for difficult times
Be thankful for the difficult times.
During those times you grow.

Thanks for limitations
Be thankful for your limitations,
because they give you opportunities for improvement.

Thanks for challenges
Be thankful for each new challenge,
because it will build your strength and character.

Thanks for mistakes made
Be thankful for your mistakes.
They will teach you valuable lessons.

Thanks for exhaustion
Be thankful when you're tired and weary,
because it means you've made the effort.

Thanks for setbacks
It's easy to be thankful for the good things.
A life of rich fulfillment comes to those who
are also thankful for the setbacks.

Thanks for troubles
Gratitude can turn a negative into a positive.
Find a way to be thankful for your troubles,
and they can become your blessings.

NEW Workshop Alert!

2009-08-17T14:14:00.000-07:00

Transformational Breath

10:00 AM - 11:30 AM

"Transformational Breath- Your Mind Can Be Your Best Friend"

Rita Davies Wild

Not sure that you are making the right decision? Are you afraid of the decisions you have already made? What can help is clarity and insight. Experience Transformational Breath - a technique developed to transform and bring about a state of Peace and Well Being.

With Transformational Breath old patterns are brought to awareness, restructured and consciously transmuted. As personal identity changes by touching the transpersonal realm, the “True Inner Nature” reveals itself and behavior automatically alters.

The great news is that it starts working during the first session!

TO REGISTER: Send an email with your name/email/phone# to thecenterforselfgrowth@gmail.com . Space is limited! Seats available on a first come first serve basis!

Greetings and Welcome, Friends!

2009-08-03T07:57:00.001-07:00

If you are anything like many of us here on Long Island, you are craving to feel healthier and happier. You want more ease and joy in your relationships, busy, finances, career, spirituality, emotions and mind. Perhaps you want to feel more peaceful, purposeful or passionate in your daily life.

These are specific areas of well-being that we take a great interest in at The Center for Self-Growth. Our mission is to provide health and wellness resources and support to the neighboring community on Long Island at our Setauket location. Now, we want to take that a step further and reach more people with as many helpful and free resources as we can through this blog.

We have been able to reach the community through one-on-one psychotherapy and life coaching with Beth Miller, health and wellness workshops open to the public led by a variety of topic-specific doctor's and professionals, on-going positive energy support groups, detoxification groups, our monthly newsletter, and more. Today, we are proud to add this blog to the list of ways that we strive to positively contribute to the community.

We plan to post a variety of health and happiness related articles, thoughts, meditations, inspiration and resources, as well as upcoming news about The Center and the people that make The Center for Self Growth an environment for learning and living your best life.

It's never too late to start to "think, feel and be happier." We will do our best to serve you with information and resources to make that possible.

Thanks for visiting our new blog, we hope to see you back here very soon!

PRESS RELEASE: “A Small Space for Big Ideas"

2009-07-28T11:22:00.000-07:00

The Center for Self-Growth invites the public to positively participate in more ways than one.

The Center for Self-Growth (CSG) invites wellness practitioners with “big ideas” who are interested in facilitating a workshop or group, in hopes of enhancing the lives and learning’s of the local community through stimulating ideas and forward-thinking. This summer, the CSG will offer a variety of health and happiness workshops including positive energy groups, detoxification groups, emotional freedom technique (EFT) healing circles, Feng Shui workshops, psychic and angel therapy, hypnobirthing and more! Conscious parenting, positive relationships, financial coaching, law of attraction, and healing cancer are scheduled for fall.

For over a year and half, the CSG, located in Setauket, has become Suffolk County’s link between health and wellness practitioners and the people in the community who are interested in personal and professional development. Additionally, the CSG, “where Long Islander’s go to grow,” is the home of the combined psychotherapy and life coaching practice of the center’s director, Beth Miller.

“The concept of The Center as a ‘small space for big ideas’ is a true calling to the growing community that we have created over the past year and a half and continue to welcome on a daily basis,” says Beth Miller, Director of the CSG and Licensed Psychotherapist and Certified Life Coach. “We see ourselves as a gathering place where people come to learn how to live their best lives. We are also the link between wellness practitioners and the local community. Most of us have not be taught the skills and tools to really live lives that feel good and are successful in all areas. The Center aims to fill in that gap and teach people how to think, feel, and be happier. With all of the recent negativity in the news, it’s exciting to be a part of something that is positive, inspiring and continually growing and I think that is why people have been receiving us so well.”

The director of the center, Beth Miller, is a Psychotherapist and Life Coach whose vision to create a place where Long Islanders can learn how to become healthier and happier was realized in January of 2008. Steadily thriving one and a half years later, the CSG remains passionate about inspiring personal and professional growth, in addition to extending support to the community and teaching the resources and techniques that are monumental in learning to live happier, more fulfilling and less stressful lifestyles.

The CSG is dedicated to welcoming new ideas and workshop facilitators, as well as offering these events to the local community in affordable and economically conscious ways. To learn more about the CSG, visit www.thecenterforselfgrowth or email thecenterforselfgrowth@gmail.com .

About Beth Miller
Beth Miller is the founder of The Center for Self Growth and a licensed psychotherapist and certified life coach. Beth hosts positive energy groups and EFT healing circles, as well as works with individual clients one-on-one using a unique, intuitive therapy she created that combines deep-healing psychotherapy with action-oriented life coaching. She specializes in removing old subconscious programming, allowing people to effectively realize the lives they desire now. For individual appointments with Beth Miller, call 631-327-0090 or milly@optonline.net.

2009-07-28T11:21:00.001-07:00

INSPIRATION

"The brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls are not there to keep us out; the brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. The brick walls are there to stop the people who don't want it badly enough. They are there to stop the other people!"
- Randy Pausch, The Last Lecture

"IF YOU ARE ANYTHING LIKE ME..."

2009-07-28T11:20:00.001-07:00

A FREE ADVICE COLUMN TO THINK, FEEL, AND BE HAPPIER

If you are anything like me, you want to release all of the blocks that keep you stuck from moving forward.

As a therapist and coach that specializes in finding and eliminating blocks,I have become simply fascinated by how our "issues" repeat themselves. Our themes, built upon early-life programming get locked into our subconscious, and keep repeating until we become conscious of them and make some changes. And because your subconscious is running the show about 90% of your day, it is so important to make sure that your old programming is not getting in the way of what you want in life going forward.

HOW PAST PROGRAMMING KEEPS YOU STUCK

Some past programming is fabulous and is responsible for your current successes. Beliefs and programming like "making money is easy and I am really good at it" will enable you to be abundant in these areas.

However, there are those areas, big or small, that you just can't seem to have any success with, such as nail-biting, inability to lose weight, constant bickering with your partner, or always feeling left out by friends. What about your phobia of flying, working hard but never having enough money, never feeling good enough, feeling empty when not in a relationship, or chronic worry that gnaws at you?

Regardless of the size of the issue, any limitation can seriously get in the way of our daily happiness and ease. We are often unaware of this programming, though, and think that this is "just how life is."

CAN YOU REALLY HAVE EMOTIONAL FREEDOM FROM OLD PROGRAMMING FOR GOOD? If we can find the issue in the subconscious, we can eliminate it with "EFT"- Emotional Freedom Technique- a tapping procedure used to clean out the old energy blocks that are causing your current problem while talking about the problem. I use EFT to search around your belief system like a flashlight, finding the programming that is blocking your success in any area, and eliminate it for good.

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU HAVE EMOTIONAL FREEDOM?

I have seen some fairly amazing results with EFT, sometimes bordering on miraculous and bizarre. Remember, an energy block in one area of life blocks ALL areas of potential ease and abundance. But I'm biased. I am in love with this technique because it is truly incredible and I use it in almost ALL of my sessions with clients these days. But here is what some have had to say:

Dear Beth: I have struggled for years with alcohol abuse, an early childhood trauma, not feeling good enough, and anger. Literally, those issues are gone or nearly gone. Thank you so much, A

Dear Beth: I have been tapping on my impatience (something I have dealt with for the last 15 years)...and I have been feeling a peace I cannot describe.. It has also worked for headaches, and leg pain. You were able to get to the root of the issue a lot quicker than if I was to do it on my own. Thank you, J

Dear Beth: The chocolate at work was a huge problem for me and it has been two months since I have eaten it now at work. I also used EFT 2 weeks ago to attract "wealth", and I received a $900 check in the mail that I was not expecting.. Love and Peace, C

Dear Beth: ..it's kind of like vaccinating yourself...I would definitely recommend EFT, for ANY issue... I think EFT helps to release these stored feelings in ways that just talking about it doesn't always fully release. I think EFT is a great tool for everyone to learn of all ages and with all different issues. - CE

HOW TO GET SOME EFT HEALING INTO YOUR LIFE

FREE: go to www.emofree.com to learn more about self healing EFT

ATTEND: The Next EFT HEALING CIRCLE with Beth Miller: June 24

OR SCHEDULE: A private session with Beth Miller 631-327-0090

Tips for Navigating Through Some of Life's Inevitable Roadblocks

2009-07-28T11:18:00.000-07:00

Regardless of how much we try to plan and foresee what the future will bring, most of the time, life takes its natural course anyway. This often means inevitable bumps in the road. When this happens, there is no need to steer completely off course, instead, try some of the tips below, be patient, and trust the process. It is all part of some grander plan, and in time, you will be able to connect the dots.

1. Find a neutral sounding board.

2. Get support, don't go it alone.

3. Be patient, and trust the process.

4. Re-connect with Nature.

5. Channel the negative energy into something positive.

Lastly, remember not to get too hard on yourself. It's easy to feel off balanced when times are uncertain. When you release the tension in healthy ways, you are able to react appropriately and diffuse the chaos. The best way you can ensure that you are living your great life, is to take healthy actions in the midst of turmoil.

Be well,
DeAnna Lynn Englezos
Program Manager, The Center for Self Growth

More info on DeAnna
www.CreateYourGreatLife.blogspot.com

SEXUAL ABUSE: How The Strange Silence About This Epidemic Issue Blocks Us All

2009-07-28T11:17:00.000-07:00

Since The Feel Better Letter(our monthly newsletter) is meant to help you feel good, it may seem surprising that I am highlighting such a difficult and upsetting issue. Sexual abuse and talk of it is rarely uplifting. Stick with this article, though, and I promise to give you some good things to feel about by it's end.

Years ago, my entire psychotherapy practice focused on trauma survivors and I became an expert in treating sexual abuse and trauma of all kinds. So it was expected that EVERY client I treated had been sexually abused. However, these days I have clients coming through my door for every reason under the sun, although almost all issues boil down to simply wanting to feel happier in life.

So imagine my surprise when I discovered that a startling portion of current clients, regardless of why they initially sought out therapy with me, have had a least one experience with being sexually abused in their past. I have turned this issue over in mind many times and I ask very deep questions about why there is such a prevalence of adults hurting children sexually. I ask "what happens in SO MANY adult's experience that they would find children sexually interesting?" and "why are we all so silent about such an insane issue that affects far more people than the statistics say?" In trying to make sense of it all, I have read all of the research and theories about why sexual abuse exists, and even wondered if our culture needs "lower energy experiences" to help us all grow and evolve.

My main message today is that if you have been sexually abused, DO NOT let the silence in our culture fool you. You have lots of company all around you. Sometimes I think that the silence is meant to protect us all. Perhaps we fear our whole culture would melt down if we really talked about the taboo topic of the sexual abuse of children publicly. And yet, we must, because the silence is keeping us all from the possibility of solutions.

We develop beliefs about ourselves and our world from our life experiences. Sexual abuse survivors often have beliefs about being unworthy, unlovable, not good enough, never safe, and more. These beliefs block so many of the good things that they desire and DESERVE. If you have been sexually abused, please know that there are very effective "treatments" available to heal and release those blocking beliefs. You do not have to suffer, nor suffer in silence.

So I am putting the call out there. If you want to end the silence in your own life, feel free to email me to simply make your voice heard and acknowledge that you and your experience is real. I will read all replies.

Wishing you peace, Beth milly@optonline.net

"IF YOU ARE ANYTHING LIKE ME....

2009-07-28T11:15:00.000-07:00

A free advice column to think, feel, and be happier

IF YOU ARE ANYTHING LIKE ME, YOU GET IMPATIENT OR FRUSTRATED when things aren't happening as fast as you want them to. Perhaps you have a new idea and you want it to happen NOW, or you have been working on something that you desire for a while and you are getting fed up with the "process". It's easy to consider giving up or throwing the adult version a a temper tantrum and feel like life isn't "fair".

It may be helpful to remember that creating new things in your life is like planting a seed. When you plant a seed, you don't return a day after and feel upset that it hasn't sprouted into a huge vegetable garden because you accept that the process of it's growth takes time and nourishment. You have faith that, as long as you are watering it and the conditions remain right, the seed will sprout when it is exactly ready. This is no different than how you understand that a baby takes 9 months to gestate safely. Being born before that time is considered "pre-mature" because is not optimal for the baby to be thriving and independent.

This is what is called the GESTATION TIME of the creation of all things. That is to say that all creations have a period of growing to be done on an unseen plane or a growth phrase before they come forth on the physical plane. How comforting it is to remember that it is faith and patience, not pushing and needing, that allow your creation to come through in the best time and way possible.

In order to grow the seeds of your life into vibrant, strong flowers that last and are born in exactly the right season, try these steps:

PREPARING THE FOUNDATION- Just as a seed needs the proper PH and soil conditions, so do the desires that you want to come forth in your life. You must prepare your life for what you desire to come forth and make sure that it is a good time for this desire to be in your life.

NOURISHING THE SEED- When you plant a seed, you are careful to water it and give it sunlight. Without the proper caretaking, the seed and the dream will die or barely flourish. This means paying daily attention and taking daily steps to cultivate your desire, not just thinking about it once in a while and hoping it will happen.

SPROUTING AND BLOOMING- You can plant a watermelon in the autumn and hope it comes up in winter, but it probably won't be able to grow in the cold. And even if it does, it most likely won't live long. So, too, is the sprouting of your dreams. Plant them at the right time and when they bloom, don't allow worry thoughts and negative thinking to block the sunlight from helping them thrive. Stand back and allow, pull the weeds of negative thinking and worry that the good "won't last", and enjoy the fruits of your patience. Remember that there may be a much wiser force that is co-creating with you, helping the process happen at exactly the right time.

SHOULD YOU EVER GIVE UP ON THE DREAM? No. One of the main reasons people do not accomplish their desires and dreams is giving up too soon. The key may be to allow the dream to evolve. If what you want is not unfolding easily, allow yourself to be flexible about the original idea of what you wanted. Often, the universe will give us exactly what we need and want and it will looking surprising different than what we imagined originally. Open your mind to new possibilities of how you can have what you want!
Remember that what you are seeking is also seeking you.

"If you are anything like me..." was created to help all of us find ways to cope and thrive with the challenges of life. Each month we will feature questions sent in by you, the readers, and Beth's ideas about what tools and skills to use to deal with the issues at hand. Email your life questions or challenges to milly@optonline.net and your anonymous question may be in next month's column.

“IN WORRY-SOME TIMES, WORRY-LESS”

2009-07-27T23:02:00.000-07:00

(and you may be personally responsible for saving the world)

Call me PolyAnna or naive. Tell me to wake up and smell the coffee because “Everything is really bad” and it “Hasn’t hit rock bottom yet.” You won’t be the first and I can understand your skepticism. But at the end of the day, in the middle of the barrage of words like “crisis” pummeling my senses, I still feel great. And I feel great about feeling great.

I am not being smug or trite, nor am I even close to the enlightenment Buddha and the Dali Lama enjoy. I own a small business and have lots to pay for and to use. I am, however, one woman feeling her way through this life trying really, really hard to be a better person, to accomplish my full potential, to live consciously, and to master my own energy. In essence, I am sure I am a lot like you- I just want to be “happy”.

However, I am choosing not to suffer through what so many millions around me are telling me should be making me feel afraid, mad, frustrated, worried, defeated, shocked…you know the drill. And I do think that we mistake worry for an action step, almost as if we worry about situations that make us feel helpless we are actually doing something about it. After all, don’t you sort of feel like if you are worrying about something then at least you won’t get totally caught off guard when something goes wrong? Yet, I am choosing to feel sane, curious, pleased, peaceful, powerful, joyful, and totally abundant. And I am encouraging my clients and group members to do the same.

The key word here is choice. You do not have to jump on the fear bandwagon. And it takes such simple actions to get off and hitch a different ride. Consider these ideas below. This is how I sleep well at night and feel energized all day. And I suspect that if each one of us does them, we ourselves will lead the world out of “crisis” and into an even better future.

GO ON A MEDIA FAST. Just like how you are what you eat when it comes to food, the same is true with information. Have you noticed yet that the more you “inform” yourself, the worse you feel in your body, thoughts, emotions, family, and work? Energy is energy and you are absorbing very negative energy through most media outlets. You wouldn’t allow your child to watch violent or depressing shows all day and expect her to be jovial and well adjusted would you? Cut off the toxic flow and make a deal with yourself to watch or read a limited amount of news per day, if any at all. Also, get curious about why the news always focuses on what is wrong in the world- it is a strange phenomena that we pay them to tell us about things that make us feel bad. Consider investing in positive magazines and radio stations.

GET YOURSELF CORRECT. Cutting off the media fumes doesn’t mean you have to become negligent of the world or go on an ignorant free for all. Focus on what you can control by getting your own life centered and correct. Patch up your vulnerabilities by living within your means and focusing on reducing personal debt. Take this time when economic markets are “correcting themselves” to clean up your own imbalances- in how you eat, improving the quality of your relationships, in your own emotional state. As Gandhi said “Be the change you wish to see in the world”, as in “what is happening in the world around us is a reflection of our own personal energy”. If we each get correct within ourselves, the “world” itself will be corrected because we are the world.

BEHAVE ABUNDANTLY AND GIVE. The energetic universe loves giving and rewards the generous by helping them to feel good and often giving them even more material abundance. Give to the most needy in times of distress, hold doors open, smile often, make little pit stops to pet pounds and shelters with food donations, send a phone card to a stranger in the military. Then don’t be surprised when your own life- and wallet- seems to get fuller.

INDULGE IN DAILY AFFIRMATIONS. You may be of the mindset that this is crazy talk that doesn’t work. Yet, since we get back in our own lives what we put out in emotions and thoughts, you might want to check what thoughts and feelings you have been repeating lately. The trick here is to calm your fear with statements that relax you and are positive: “It’s okay, I’m okay. I will get through this. I am going to be just fine.” Yet, for those who really want to attract abundance, stretch your repeating mantras further: “I am at ease. I make lots of money. I have many opportunities to be financially healthy. I love feeling being financially wealthy.” Meditate and breathe often.

GET SOME PERSPECTIVE. I’ll be you have survived more than even your worst nightmare about the stock market. Step back and notice all that you have accomplished in your life and the amazing resourcefulness you have had when life kicked you in the teeth. Also, make a list of all that you do have and are grateful for. Even in “crisis” times, we are often the luckiest ones on the planet. Shifting focus to your blessings changes more than your mood, it changes what you attract.

FEELING FINANCIAL FEAR?? READ THIS!

2009-07-27T23:00:00.000-07:00

If you are feeling financial fear and worry, here are 7 effective steps you can take to change how you feel (and what you create and attract):

1) Admit to yourself that you are feeling afraid. It's okay to feel that way, even if you are an avid positive thinker or believe in the Law of Attraction. Denying a feeling does not eliminate it, it only buries it. Then say "And even though I have fear, I am totally going to get through this."
2) Face it, Americans are not good at rolling over and giving up. We have come from a long legacy of not just survivors, but "thrivers". Think of people trekking across unchartered America for the gold rush, immigrants on Ellis Island, the Special Olympics, and Sept 11. We can do this and we will.

3) Get really creative like your life depended upon it. Even in hard times there are people who are financially and emotionally healthy. You can choose to be one of the stories about thrivers. Get really ingenious about your life and work. Think outside the box about new ways to make yourself useful to people. Rethink what you used to sell and focus on what people need now.

4) Be realistic about what is really at stake for you. Before you go into a panic about what will happen about money, take stock in what you might lose and actually look at your budget. Not having as much disposable income may be uncomfortable but is not life threatening. If your job or house is actually at stake, control anxiety by assuring yourself of what safety nets do exist if you "fall". Ask "If my worst case scenario happens, what would I do and could I still survive?" Many times the answer is yes.

5) Wake up to your spirituality and your ability to co-create what you want. Quit letting fear call the shots and start learn to take control of your thoughts. Rush Limbaugh recently said he is "choosing not participate in the recession" and just signed a 34 mil/year contract. Seriously, is Rush Limbaugh actually superior to you or is he simply creating what he believes he can create? When you feel the money worry, calm yourself by affirming: "I choose to participate in abundance and I happily accept new opportunities to have more money in my life".
6) If you're losing your hair, you can be mad that you are going bald or happy that you have a head. Your reality is simply based on how you frame it. So if you have lost your job, it makes sense to be upset. But then, to get the "thriver" in you to kick in, look for other ways to view it, like "I actually wanted to find a new career path and I am happy to pursue new avenues". Perhaps this "crisis" is how our lives and world are re-balancing. One client told me she makes her coffee at home and puts it into her Dunkin Donuts cup. This tiny gesture is not only saving her money but is also saving tons of thrown away Styrofoam cups.

7) Ask not what the world can do for you but what you can do for the world. I am willing to guarantee (and am happy to make a bet with you) that volunteering your time and energy will make you feel less worry, and likely will attract more abundance to you. Go help other people in any way that will light you up. Don't have enough time to volunteer? Collect all the minutes you waste worrying and contribute them to the greater good.

Bonus) Look to nature for your answers. Go for a simple walk, hike, or down to the water. Immersing yourself in the beauty of nature is the easiest and cheapest cure all for worry and helps you connect with new, creative ideas.

Tools to help beat Anxiety!

2009-07-27T22:59:00.001-07:00

Beating Anxiety Takes Work and Practice. Here’s what Helped:

A few key therapeutic interventions helped in Maggy's case.

1) Validating and radical acceptance. I encouraged Maggy to acknowledge that she chose an inexpressive partner because she worried that she did not deserve more and how that made sense at the time. I also validated her feelings and asked her to reduce her judgment of herself and accept him as he is. This removes the anxiety-producing emotions of guilt and blame off of both him and her.

2) Centering. I taught Maggy how to reduce her anxiety with breathing and meditation exercises. She would not be able to make wise decisions if they were coming from a place of worry and other negative emotions.

3) Envisioning. I helped Maggy to create a clear vision of what she wants her life to look like. This takes the focus off of what is wrong and puts energy on what she is working towards. As Maggy began to understand that what she thinks about and feels about becomes the reality she creates, she started to read her vision statement upon rising and before bed. This helped her stay focused on her dream of having a job and a small home, and her daily decisions to get there.

4) Affirmations. Anxiety thrives on worry thoughts and without worry thoughts there would be no anxiety. Maggy learned how to become aware of her thoughts and replace them with thoughts that felt centering and calming. Thoughts like "Who am I kidding", "I can't do this on my own", or "He has so much power over me" became noticed and shifted to thoughts like "I can do this one step at a time."

5) A Good Plan. Maggy and I created a plan for divorce and life after divorce and she began taking the steps to achieve it on a weekly basis, including a financial plan, a self care plan, role playing conversations with her husband, and a housing plan.

6) Surrounding yourself with the positive. Maggy attends, along with hundred of other Long Islanders, workshops about positive energy and growth here at The Center for Self Growth. Recently, during a workshop about how to release anxiety both emotionally and physically, I asked the attendees to write down all of their worry thoughts about money. One person said she worries about losing her job, another worried about her children’' financial security, another simply worried about even sharing her worry thoughts. The workshop was sold out, as is any other event I do about anxiety or worry, because even those who don't typically suffer from anxiety are worrying more these days. I explained that "worrying is praying for what you don't want" and we must learn to master our minds and emotions in order to create the happy life we want now. However, I stressed, beating anxiety and being happy takes hard work and practice.

No one ever taught us the skills to do this and we simply have to be shown the techniques to feel better. For some, medication may help or be needed, but for anyone experiencing worry and anxiety there are tools that can help you master your thoughts, feelings, and life so that anxiety can be a condition of the past and peace can be your future. Practicing feeling positive not only feels better, it opens up opportunities that you may not have attracted or seen when worrying!

Beating Anxiety takes Work and Practice

2009-07-27T22:55:00.000-07:00

As a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Life Coach, anxiety is one of the number one issues that bring clients through my door. For some, the anxiety is severe and is related to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or having a ruminating worry-mind that seems to obsess more and more the longer it goes untreated. My clients that fall into the first category that began having intense anxiety after Sept 11 or remembering being sexual assaulted as a child. Their worry no longer focuses exclusively on terrorist attacks or perpetrators, but has globalized into a general feeling of lack of safety and negativity: always thinking people will do them wrong, obsessing about their kids and germs, second guessing every decision they make.

For others, anxiety is situation-related meaning that their worry thoughts increase when a real, external situation has caused them to be concerned. This second category of worriers has increased in numbers dramatically in response to the financial "crisis" that has gotten powerful media attention. For some, this increase in worry can become more than an unsettled feeling and can develop into panic attacks, negative thinking, depression, over-protective parenting, and an increase in poor coping behaviors like alcohol and food.

One such case that comes to mind is a client that came to see me a few months ago to finally gain clarity about ending her 20 year marriage. Maggy (not her real name) has two children under 13 and lives in an affluent part of Long Island and has been feeling anxious all of her life. At a younger age, her anxiety was related to having a mentally ill brother and an alcoholic mother, two conditions that no one in the family actually acknowledged but everyone tip-toed around. She felt unsafe and uncared for and translated that belief into a worry that she wasn't worth much and was unimportant. In her late teens, Maggy married a man that enabled her to feel as invisible and unloved as she did as a youngster, and her own anxiety about not being good enough was repeatedly confirmed back to her by his emotional distance and sometimes scathing criticisms of her. Her anxiety deepened with guilt about not loving him, wanting to leave for all 20 years and regretting not following her own gut to not marry him, and about the pain her children would go through if they did separate. She agonized about why she ever married him, wasting years of self development, whether she tried hard enough to make it work in couples counseling, and how he would cope with her leaving.

After a few weeks of therapy, Maggy began to own her own feelings and decided to do what she had been putting off for half her life at this point- she spoke up and filed for divorce. She stopped blaming her husband for not being loving enough as she became clear about why she chose him as her mate to begin with.

Relief replaced the terrible feeling she had been enduring for years about not following her own inner guidance. Yet, the wonderful feelings she felt for standing up for herself were immediately replaced by the second wave on worry. Questions like would she be more or less alone without him, how the kids would handle everything, and most of all how would she be able to afford being divorced. After all, she had given up her career early in their marriage and only worked a small, part-time job ever since her children were of school age.

In Maggy's case, we have both types of anxiety at play: the kind that has existed for years since her childhood and permeates into all that she does, the kind that finds a way to worry even when there is no immediate problem. Further, she developed anxiety about the real and current dilemma of getting a divorce and the complications this poses. Lastly, she became further anxious as she thought of her financial situation and the poverty that divorce could create.

Maggy's anxiety worsened as the economic crisis became more a part of her media diet. While the economics of divorce could encourage many women to stay with their partners, a worldwide economic "meltdown" threatened to make Maggy worry that she would never be able to leave. How would she find a job when no one is hiring, how would she feed her kids or rent and apartment?

Read on to "Here's What Helped" article for useful and practical tools to help beat anxiety!

Greetings and Welcome, Friends!

2009-07-21T12:09:00.000-07:00